I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
