That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
