He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
