Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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