we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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