im drinking this country out of the recession.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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