Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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