Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
