So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
