Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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