my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
