She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
