Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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