Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
