i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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