I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize