He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
