Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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