You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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