you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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