Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wear drunk well.
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