I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
