first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
