I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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