he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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