In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
