Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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