Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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