while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i've created a new STD.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize