Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
