You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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