Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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