Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
