These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
