she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
