I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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