Buhtt sex?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
