How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
