the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
