If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He shit in the fireplace
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
