On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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