just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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