What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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