My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
