we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
