She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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