At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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