goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize