Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
