Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
