So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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