Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
