There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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