its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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