the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
