whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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