i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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