i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
