just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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