So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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