Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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