My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
