watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
