Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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