when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
