a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
