Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
