Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
