Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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