how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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