A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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