I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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