yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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