Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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