Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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