i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My feet surprised me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
