I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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