I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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