if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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