Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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