i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
