If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize