If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
