this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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