there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
