Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
