But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
