I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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