i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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