so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
