god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
