Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize