I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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