Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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