the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
