I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
