It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
