The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
