There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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