i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
