I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
