Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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