So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
