i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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