I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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