I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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