I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
