after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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