She's JV to your varsity
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize