I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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