You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
