you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
