Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize