what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
