My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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