Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
