You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize