paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
