i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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