This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
