I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
