Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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