I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize