..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
