who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
