i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
