plz talk dirty to me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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