I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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